individuates

[he jumps almost simultaneously with a little cry of alarm-]

Hikaru--!

[they're good with the machines, but of course they're experienced in this - hand-seaming, hand-stitching, they have to be competant in all areas of their craft. After all, just like Kaoru told Taichi, any deficiency in their skill would show, and they couldn't afford to be complacent or too reliant on their family name.

A prick or two of the needle, a few drops of blood; they're very well used to - it's not remarkable, and they're dextrous and practised enough with their hands that it has happened less and less often as their craft developed more and more. But it will never not-trouble Kaoru to see Hikaru in pain, even over something so small and so brief as a pricked finger.

Leaning across the table, reaching out his hands for Hikaru's]

What happened? You're not pricked yourself in years...

[They always worry about each other and Hikaru knows that if things were opposite right now, he would be reacting in much the same way. He smiles and gives his hands to Kaoru, trying to show him he's fine.]

It wasn't too deep. I'm okay. [The blood is welling up into a small red ball again but it's not a serious injury. It's embarrassing that he's done it, though. Kaoru's right, he hasn't pricked a finger in a long time and that's not the only thing that is wounded but also his pride.]

I'm sorry. [For worrying you and not paying attention at the start.]

I'll be the judge of that. Lemme see.

[and he'll tidy up to make sure the fabrics are safe, before reaching for Hikaru's hand to inspect]

You seemed like you were miles away.

[His hands still outstretched for Kaoru, he frowns and looks off to the side.] I was thinking about Taichi. [Openly, he tells Kaoru exactly what he was thinking about. He doesn't have much in the way of secrets when it comes to his twin. Hikaru's always been an open book.]

Hey. Does it feel weird for you when you touch people? I don't feel different touching you, Tono, or Zuko. But whenever I touch Taichi, it's just...like we get tense but not in a bad way? Does that even make sense? [Scowling, he takes his uninjured hand and leans on his elbow.]

It's probably this place, right? Like have you been thinking more about...girls? [It's a loaded question but to Hikaru, he can talk to Kaoru about anything. They were born together for this reason after all.]

Taichi-san?

[he hesitates - perhaps a little bit too long, and were it anyone but his twin, the silence may have been misconstrued.

Though he is plotting with Taichi behind Hikaru's back. It's only for his gift, but still.]

...are you thinking more about girls? Or... boys?

[carefully sidestepping Hikaru's questions to him? Perhaps...]

I was thinking it's because we don't seem to be from the same place? But Zuko is even more different and it's never like that. I don't know. [Classic Hikaru fashion to miss the most obvious option.] But it isn't bad? I want to keep holding his hand and hugging him. For chroma! You know? He doesn't have anybody else to help him with it and he was nice to me so I should help...[He doesn't even know why he feels so self-conscious about why he wants to keep touching Taichi. It helps him get chroma too, right?

But importantly...]

Wait, boys? I didn't ask about boys! And--wait, that's cheating.

It's not cheating if it's a very good question! Besides, you brought up boys first.

[Srsly Hikaru. Though it probably doesn't help that they have only male acquaintances here.]

...so it feels weird for you when you touch Taichi-san? Just him?

It's not my fault we only have friends who are guys! Besides, still cheating. I said girls. I didn't ask about boys. [He isn't answering it until Kaoru does!! He asked first!!]

But yeah. Just him. He's...different. I've never met anybody like him. Maybe that's why it's different...[If Taichi is different to him as a person then touching him would be different too, right? That makes sense!] That's probably it. I'm just not used to somebody like him so touching him is different.

You said girls, but you named a guy!

[really, Hikaru, what was he supposed to think?]

I mean-- I've not been looking, while we've been here. If that helps?

But I can always help him out with Chroma instead so you don't have to - or I dunno, we can send Tono to do it?

[if it really is just about Chroma...]

[He was glaring at Kaoru until he got an answer he could be satisfied with. But that answer doesn't satisfy him and he sighs, exasperated.

And then he's promptly surprised and obviously not okay with this idea at all.] Tono?! Tono? Seriously? Why would I... [He shakes his head, interrupting himself before frowning and crossing his arms.] It's not like it's bad or anything. I'm not complaining. I don't mind holding his hand but I mean, I guess if it's for chroma it would be better if you did help...[But he doesn't want Kaoru to and that's weird. That's odd because when has he ever not wanted Kaoru to do something with him? That thought alone takes him by surprise and then he frowns and then he just sits back, pouting.]

Not Tono, then. But me?

[Probably not him, either, not with that expression, not with those crossed arms.

Reaching out, gently poking Hikaru's pouting cheek]

It's just when you do that it makes me start to wonder whether you actually want me to.

[He could lie to Kaoru but he won't. Kaoru isn't somebody he can lie to. Mostly because he doesn't want to even if he knows that Kaoru would know if he was lying.

Still frowning and glaring at his twin (only because he poked his cheek and come on, he's suffering!), he admits:] I don't want you to. I don't want anybody else touching him...[He groans loudly and slumps on the table.]

This is stupid! It makes no sense! Why wouldn't I want you to? We need chroma. If we all moonlaced then it would help us. So why do only I want to touch Taichi?

You only want to touch Taichi-san? [v-e-n-t-u-r-i-n-g -] Or you only want Taichi-san to be touched by you. And that's confusing?

[either? Both...?]

I don't think it's weird.

[...it's not quite what Kaoru had expected. He's thought a lot about Hikaru going off to find love in the world, had tried to prepare himself for the inevitable eventuality. But it would be a lie to say he held no preconceptions. Or that he'd not 'cast' the role in his mind, as a part of that.]

Do you think it's because this place... pushes us at other people a little more, maybe?

No, no! I mean I still want to touch you. [He has to defend that even if he thinks Kaoru should already understand that.

But he does suggest a good reason.] Somebody thought Taichi and I were dating. They said we were a cute couple. And it's like that can't leave my mind? Why did they think that? But I wonder if maybe they wanted me to think it? I mean, people think you and I are dating at school but that's because we want them to. We put the idea in their head. So maybe it was this weird place putting the thought in their head and now mine...? That's why I can't stop thinking about Taichi...but why him? Why only him? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was Zuko or even Tono but ugh if I start feeling like this about Tono please put me out of my misery. But we live together!

[Hikaru has never thought about dating. Never thought about Kaoru dating either. There's the idea that of course he'll probably get married and Kaoru will but he's never wanted to think about that, hasn't liked the idea, and has always decided it's dumb to think about because that's in the future and it'll work itself out. Hikaru's confident in that.

But he has never thought about guys. Even girls have been passing thoughts. It isn't like he hasn't thought about them at all because he has. But never another boy.

He looks to Kaoru again.] So no thoughts about anybody? You haven't been thinking about anybody? Zuko?... Tono? [IF KAORU HAS BEEN FEELING THIS WAY ABOUT TAMAKI HE WILL DEFINITELY PUT KAORU OUT OF HIS MISERY]

Of course, that's a given.

[duh - but just in case Hikaru needs to hear it.]

I mean... I've not been looking at people that way? Much less Zuko or Tono. They're just fun to bother - did I mention Zuko and I met at the hug-a-thon? That was kinda hilarious.

[and Kaoru, undaunted, had probably made it even worse]

But, no, I've not been looking for anyone. No one's caught my eye, either? [oh no - maybe he's the weird one?] You've been here for longer, though - and you already knew Taichi before I got here.

Yeah and now he thinks you're some golden child incapable of anything bad. [He gives Kaoru a very amused look because they both know how wrong that is but it's fine. It's their secret against Zuko.

Hikaru is less agitated but still bothered enough. He knows he's going to have to think about this but the problem is he doesn't want to and it'll require him going off on his own to figure it out. But right now he would rather be with Kaoru and feel sorry for himself. Privately, though, so he tugs Kaoru to their bedroom and wraps his arms around Kaoru so he can bury his head in his chest as they lay there.]

I hate this. [How he's feeling? This world? All of the above?]

I'll take it.

[anything that helps them in their mischief is a boon.

Willingly following along with his twin, folding around him on their still-too-small bed with a soft noise of understanding]

You could just ditch him and be less confused, but I don't think you want that. And I wouldn't like to watch you do that to yourself.

You don't hate his company.

[It had briefly crossed his mind but Kaoru was right. Hikaru would be unhappy if he did that and it would hurt Taichi. It wasn't Taichi's fault Hikaru was feeling like this.]

I don't want to. It wouldn't be fair to Taichi anyway. He didn't do anything. This is my issue. I'm just confused. [And he hates not understanding. It's frustrating. Even more so that apparently Kaoru isn't going through this and this is solely a Hikaru problem. That's a rarity. They tend to go through the same things but not this time and maybe that's frustrating, too.

But being with Kaoru like this really helps and he squeezes Kaoru tighter.] But you know what's stupid? I feel like crap but I also don't. I'm really happy and that doesn't make sense either. I can't be miserable and happy. How does that work?

[but in some ways perhaps it's a good thing that they're not both going through this at the same time - that they're not both confused and flailing. Kaoru's probably not completely clear-sighted in all this, but he'd have no hope of being so if he were lovestruck, too.

Of course, they're still in this together. That should also be a given. Wriggling a little bit in Hikaru's graps and tightening his own squeeze in kind-]

Why do you feel like crap about it? He likes you too, right?

[Taichi wouldn't be enlisting Kaoru's help behind Hikaru's back and pulling together this ridiculous Christmas gift - that Kaoru can't let on he knows about - if he didn't like Hikaru, right? In the twins' circles one would have just engaged a party planner, and yet Taichi was insistent on doing it all himself.]

He likes me and we're really good friends. But...[He's never exactly had a friend like this.] I don't want to ruin it. [Which is a big thing to admit but it's easy to tell Kaoru anything and everything.

Hikaru still has absolutely no idea he's feeling lovestruck or that it's obvious Taichi feels the same way.] Like what would I say? "Hey, I can't stop thinking about you. Isn't that weird?"

Maybe moonlacing feels different for him, too? You could ask...?

[rubbing Hikaru's back gently. Moonlacing doesn't feel that different when it's he and Hikaru - it just feels like them, like they're not really doing anything differently at all.]

But maybe you want to wait a little longer? What if he has strange habits or quirks or, like, odd taste in... I dunno, party decorations? [how oddly specific, Kaoru] Or food or something?

[He can't just ask! He just said he might find it weird! Which is a far cry from how Hikaru claims to be. He's honest and doesn't hold back which is how he'll always describe himself but then it comes to opening up and then he starts to overthink.

Right now, being here with Kaoru helps. He feels better and it really does just feel like them. But that's all they need to be.]

I mean, he does have weird tastes. I took him out for his birthday to get his favorite food? And it had this liquid cheese thing? It tasted horrible and I didn't like any of it but...[He smiles.] It was him so I guess I liked it? Because he did. I don't think I care if he does like weird things.

Edited 2020-11-24 02:40 (UTC)

Liquid cheese?

[Kaoru is thinking of fondue, of raclette, of any other food they've tried that makes use of melted cheese, and he's relatively confident Hikaru isn't referring to any of those. Frankly it sounds horrifying and he's feeling more and more relieved that he's involved in Taichi's party plans by the second. If a little despairing of his poor, dumb big brother.]

That's... okay. I mean, so long as you don't end up liking them with him.

Or not too many of them. I guess it has to be at least some but if I think your taste is slipping Hikaru I swear to god...

I didn't like the cheese. Or his weird cheap mustard. I don't think I'm ever going to like the foods he likes but I guess that I like that he likes things? I think it's cute. [He says it and then thinks maybe it's weird that he thinks Taichi is cute? But Taichi says Hikaru is cute so maybe it isn't weird. This is new so he has no idea.]

Anyway! I'm not going to change my tastes. Mom would probably disown me and then you'd be all by yourself to deal with the Hitachiin legacy~

You like that he likes things.

[Oh, Hikaru. That's a remarkably low bar.]

But, I dunno, maybe you can nudge him toward liking better things? What are we as Hitachiins if not taste-makers?

And speaking of Hitachiins- [their mother is the least of their worries.] -I know you wouldn't leave me alone to appease The Hag.

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